Power Rankings Update! (Week 3)

Three weeks are in the books, and we’ve officially reached our first power rankings update! 

There have been some BIG risers, some pretty significant fallers, a whole lot of injuries, and a couple teams in particular that has made me look like a dunce in my preseason rankings.

Lets begin!

14. Love on the Spectrum — Hank (0-3)

Yeah… no surprises here. Coming in at last place in our first Power Rankings update of the year is none other than myself. Half my team is hurt, half my team are future picks, and the only thing keeping this roster alive right now is the beautiful combination of Jeanty and Love. Love had a fantastic week 3 and finally took over the offense in Arizona, he looks like the real deal. There is a lot of potential here as I have said, but this year? I have a feeling I’ll be at the bottom of these rankings for the entire season.

Nothing else to say. You guys all know I’m the league’s leading expert on tanking and trading.

Onto the next!

13. The Fighting Honda Ciziks — Nick (1-2)

Coming in at 13th is going to have to be Nick’s tank platoon. I had Nick ranked at #9 in our preseason rankings because he had some great young talent and, more importantly, two cornerstone QBs to anchor his team.

Well… Let’s take a look at those two QBs. Let’s just go ahead and rip the Band-Aid off right away:

Drake Maye, brother… I’m genuinely concerned at this point. Six interceptions. ONE TD. I’m not saying it’s over, but man… this is looking bad for him. Nick’s other QB, Justin Herbert, hasn’t been much better. The Chargers look abysmal. Nick drafted two anchor QBs in the first two rounds, and they are somehow being outscored COMBINED every week by Deshaun fucking Watson. Sick scenes, man.

The dysfunction here has planted Nick firmly into the tank race with myself.

The bright spots are Garrett Wilson, Chris Olave, and Harold Fannin, who have all been fantastic. And unlike some other teams, Nick’s roster is still relatively healthy. If Maye and Herbert can turn their seasons around, Nick absolutely can too. For now, though, at 1-2 with the second-worst PF, the battlefield of tanks is where you belong.

12. Rippin Darts — Vance (0-3)

At #12 is the only other 0-3 team in the league, Vance. The reason Vance is at #12 and not #13 despite having a worse record than Nick is pretty simple: His team has been obliterated by injuries.

Dart, his namesake, is out for the majority of the season with a knee injury. Baker is now out. Jayden Reed is out. Jalen Coker, who had a great start to the year, is out. Pretty rough. Watching your two QBs go down in the first three weeks is about as bad as it gets.

On top of that, TMac has underperformed, Jadarian Price fumbles a lot, and Brock Bowers missed the first two weeks…(although now he’s back and looks insane… he is literally playing WR).

Sources close to the team say Vance may be looking at tearing it down this year and getting some value back for his productive players. Contenders, this man is SELLING.

11. Rootin for Tuten — Jacob (1-2)

Shoutout Jacob for climbing from his preseason ranking of #13 to #11! Our first riser.

Now, don’t get it twisted, I don’t think this team is giving anyone nightmares yet. But they’ve played decently well so far, especially considering all the injuries. Jacob’s namesake, Bhayshul Tuten, has been awesome and looks the part of a future RB1. He’s getting fed the ball a lot and has reached the endzone in two of the three games so far. Burrow has been decent. Luther Burden finally showed some life on MNF. Jonathan Brooks is the most unlucky player in the NFL. Caleb Williams is hilarious. Tucker Kraft is sort of mid? Antonio Williams is fun.

That’s basically the rundown of Jacob’s season so far.

Like I said in the preseason, I think this is going to be a seriously good team in a year or two. For now, they stay a fun watch and a team that will definitely have some spike weeks this season. Also, completely unrelated to Jacob’s team—but because he’s a Bears fan:

SHOUTOUT CASE KEENUM!

What a Monday Night Football performance. There’s just something about those old-school QBs… they are timeless. I just know Brady’s helmet is in full Green Goblin mode right now.

10. My Balls Hurts — Sean (1-2)

We haven’t strayed very far from the actual Sleeper standings yet, and that continues with #10, Sean.

Sean had a preseason ranking of #5, so he’s our first significant faller. Sean’s biggest problem is that his veterans just haven’t been very good. Starting with Saquon, who has been the most significantly underwhelming of the bunch. Averaging a measly 6.5 points per game isn’t going to get this team over the hump. Kyler Murray had about the worst debut you could’ve asked for, although to his credit, he looked much better this week. His pair of Steelers receivers have been….mid. Judkins hasn’t broken 10 points yet, and Kenny Gainwell somehow forgot that he was a really good football player.

None of this is Sean’s fault, I’m just explaining why the team has underperformed. There have been some bright spots, though!

Starting with the Sun God himself (see what I did there). Amon-Ra has been phenomenal and has started the season absolutely blazing. Trey McBride has also been amazing, coming in as the best TE in football through three weeks. (Bowers wants a word though..) I think Sean has some positive regression coming up, and I suspect this team will balance out and climb back up a few spots. He also got a much-needed win this past week.

9. Wheat Hill Treatment — Jake Carter

Again, staying relatively close to the Sleeper standings, coming in at #9 is Jake Carter. I had Jake at #6 in the preseason Power Rankings, so we’ve got another dropper. (All these droppers mean we’ve got some BIG risers coming up.)

Any Josh Allen-led team is a threat every week, and every year, to win a championship. Unfortunately, the rest of this squad is still waiting to get into form. Nico immediately going down with an injury is brutal. Ladd is on the Chargers (double rip to Jake for also being a Chargers fan), and now Mike Evans AND Etienne are out for extended periods. Like the teams before him, none of this is really Jake’s fault, but fantasy is a game of survival, and whoever gets injured the least usually makes it the farthest.

Jake is absolutely not out of it, but he’s going to need Ladd to step it up big time and live up to my preseason JSN comparison.

8. DJ Porterhouse — Fred (2-1)

Alright, this is where I’m mixing it up a little bit from Sleeper.

Coming in at #8 is Fred, who despite sitting at 2-1 and having a better record than the team coming after him, I still don’t fully believe is a playoff team this season. Fred had an extraordinary Week 1, scoring the most points in the league and immediately shutting me up, but he has cooled off since then.

His PF is now sitting right in the middle of the pack, and he has a very young team - with the exception of his two QBs, who are about one year away from a retirement home. Shoutout Kirk Cousins, though. That dude is balling.

Now, this is not to say I don’t like Fred’s team, because I do! He has two 2027 1sts (making me salivate) and a whole bunch of awesome young talent. I think he’s going to be a problem for a long time. With that said, I just think the youth of this team will show as the season progresses. In any event, Fred jumped from #12 to #8, so he’s already made my preseason ranking look silly and has been one of our biggest risers so far. Also, If Chase Brown and Zay Flowers can have monster seasons ROS, there is a backdoor chance he could actually slip into a playoff spot as well.

7. The Age of Woody — Coleman (2-1)

More straying from Sleeper! We’ve got Coleman at #7, although he is #6 on Sleeper. He’s a bit of a dropper from my preseason ranking simply because his PF is a little lower than some of the other teams in the playoff range. This is partly because he’s been without his best player, Puka Nacua. IF Puka comes back healthy, I’m sure Coleman will continue to solidify himself as a playoff team this season.

This is a solid team that has performed pretty much as expected. Patrick Mahomes is back to MVP-level play. CMC hasn’t gotten injured (someone knock on wood). DeVonta has been solid as the WR1, and he recently traded for DeVonta’s “handcuff” in WR terms with Dontayvion Wicks who has also been a nice surprise to start the year. (Trade alert! Hank got another 2nd rounder)

Coleman’s biggest question marks continue to be age and his TE room, but if he can continue to stay healthy, his star power should take him far.

6. CDunn23 — Conner

Coming in at #6 in my Power Rankings is Conner! If the playoffs started today, Conner wouldn’t be in them, which makes this Power Ranking a little precarious.

But…Let me explain.

He was my preseason #3 for a reason. His roster is stacked (best WR room in the league), and I believe the points are going to even out. Unfortunately, he had to watch his best receiver’s QB go down. But fret no more… 9 is coming to save the day.

Luckily, Christian Watson has started the year BLAZING hot and is looking like a league winner if he keeps this up. Egbuka, Jamo, and Willis have all been underwhelming, but I really don’t think that’s going to last. I wouldn’t worry if I were Conner, but I did have to drop him from #3 to #6. The league’s most stacked WR room should figure it out!

5. Tiny Meat Gang — Spencer (2-1)

The top five of my Power Rankings are going to boringly follow the exact Sleeper standings because, honestly, it’s just the most accurate right now. At #5 we have another riser in TMG.

I said in my preseason rankings that this team was going to need a lot of internal development to compete, and it has sort of gotten that. Jordan Love has been solid, but Bryce Young has genuinely been incredible. (He didn’t even start him in Weeks 1 or 2 though.) Dalton Kincaid has also been very good, minus a rough Week 3. Spence has somehow surged to a 2-1 record despite Drake London not having a QB for most of the season and having to start BTJ, who apparently forgot how to play football. Breece Hall suffered an injury last week, but in general this team has outperformed what I thought it could. Kudos to you Spence!

Things are great in TMG land, and we’ll see if Ja’Marr Chase can continue to hold this squad up.

4. Sandy Nic — Cam (2-1)

The second-biggest riser in the rankings! Sandy Nic has defied the odds and had a really impressive start to his season. 

Despite losing Sam Darnold to start the year, losing Josh Jacobs (ooft), and NOT HAVING A SECOND QUARTERBACK for his Superflex spot…He has the 4th-highest PF, is sitting comfortably at 2-1, and is laughing directly in my face at my preseason ranking of #11. Well played, Sandy.

The true star of the show here has been Kenneth Walker. Everyone knew this guy was good. Everyone knew that if he stayed healthy in this offense, he could be a beast. But it’s one thing to say that and another thing to actually DO IT. #2 RB. #5 overall player through three weeks. He’s done it all, looks strong, and it’s awesome to see. I definitely miss him in Seattle. On top of that, CeeDee is back to top-five WR form, JJ is still amazing and now has a QB, and Matthew Golden could be on his breakout tour.

I’m not sure how long a 1QB team in a SF league is going to hold up, but this is certainly an exciting start for Sandy. Maybe Mendoza gets thrown into the fire midseason and keeps the run going. In any event, Sandy Nic has turned some heads this season so far.

3. GayeforMaye — Nate (2-1)

TOP THREE! Who knows if Nate is still gay for Maye, but in any event, he is #3 in the rankings. Nate’s team was really good in the preseason. It’s really good now. And it’s no surprise he’s this high. He did drop one slot, from #2 to #3, but that’s because there was another team who we’ll get to…

Anyway, Gibbs is everything you could hope for and is still probably the best player in fantasy. James Cook is amazing, and surprise TE vet Dalton Schultz has been a huge help. On the QB side, though, is where Nate is really thriving. Jared Goff is steady and always a top-10 guy (so underrated) and!

BROCK PURDY IS A SUPERSTAR! The years of Brock Purdy slander are all but over. This dude is a stud, he throws for a million TDs and rarely throws INTs. No Drake Maye meatball subs from this guy. In a league that is half 49ers fans, I know everyone is jealous they don’t have Brock Purdy on their own team. Nate’s roster is a problem and has as good a chance as anyone to win a championship in Season 1.

2. Strange Rash on my Penix — Julian (3-0)

#2 on the board is Julian, who was my preseason #1 and favorite to win the title. This team is clicking on all cylinders and has almost no dark spots after three weeks. 

The TLaw/Parker Washington/Brenton Strange stack has proven to be deadly. Shoutout PWash, this dude is seriously good. Bijan is ridiculous. Tee Higgins has been super impressive to start the year, as has Michael Wilson. Stefon Diggs is turning back the clock.

Now to the bad…Rashee Rice does not look like the guy he was last year when he was healthy. Julian is also suffering from the awful Chargers start with Hampton, although I just don’t see how that will last. Surely that team will figure it out…Surely?

Tyler Shough has also been awesome,  he may be the oldest second-year player ever, but he can really play. This team is looking really solid. Lots of star power, lots of depth.

An extremely strong start to the season and a strong contender. But there is ONE team who has really gone above and beyond so far…

1. Team Graham K — Graham K (3-0)

Coming in at our top spot is also our BIGGEST RISER from the preseason: Graham K!

(C’mon man, think of a better name.)

I have to be completely honest, guys: I am eating my words BIG TIME when it comes to this team. I had the audacity to call this team a little safe and boring in the preseason.

I must have forgotten that JSN is God’s gift to this beautiful planet Earth. Holy shit, JSN is insane. Literally unstoppable, completely QB-proof, it is a joy to watch. JT has been amazing again. Davante Adams has seriously stepped up in the absence of Puka. Derrick Henry is a zombie or a robot. I don’t know which one, but he literally will not go away. (Is he the GOAT??) And then you’re getting production from KALIF RAYMOND.

I did not even know who that was before the year, to be completely honest, and somehow he is the focal point of an insanely stacked Bears offense. Crying in Burden and Loveland tears.

Graham is 3-0, is the only team over 500 PF on the season, and has been completely dominant. Graham, this is my formal apology, and I hope the jump from #11 to #1 is enough consolation. With all that said…

The target is now on your back. You are the man to beat now!

There we have it y’all, I can’t lie that was a lot to write lol. Hopefully some of you are reading it!